


Interrogation

by AmaranthPrincess21



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Semi-Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 14:45:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4141725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmaranthPrincess21/pseuds/AmaranthPrincess21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone's drawn in Moblit's sketchbook and Hange's determined to figure out who did it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interrogation

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a little silly entry for DA user SiverFoxRedRose's "For My Entertainment" contest! It's semi-cracky but hey. 
> 
> Also if you're not caught up on the manga sorry, minor spoilers.

Fear thickened the air inside the small lab as the new recruits and the one hundred and fourth squad lined up, a few literally shaking in their boots. They'd seen Captain Levi angry before, but nothing compared to Squad Leader Hange's anger. As a veteran, you knew just how bad she could get. If any of the newbies said something wrong, she'd go into full berserk mode. Maybe that’s why she brought you in here: to set an example for the younger Survey Corps members. She paced back and forth in front of the cadets, dark brown eyes narrowed in a glare and a sketchbook clutched to her chest. It was Moblit's sketchbook, actually, the one he used for drawing portraits and other miscellaneous things. He'd set it down in the dining hall for a few moments and when he came back he found that someone had drawn penises all over one of the pages. He personally didn't think it was a big deal, after all it had been his doodle page in the first place, but in Hange's mind this was a criminal offence on par with stealing food on an expedition. So she had gathered up anyone who was new or relatively new for an interrogation.

"WHO'S BEEN DRAWING DICKS IN MOBLIT'S SKETCHBOOK?!" she screeched, waving the sketchbook around. "DON’T YOU GUYS KNOW NOT TO TOUCH OTHER PEOPLE’S THINGS?! AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN GOOD OR ANATOMICALLY CORRECT ONES! DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A REAL DICK TO YOU, [LAST]?!" she added, rubbing the paper in your face.

"I'm a lesbian; dicks aren't my specialty, Hange!" you defended yourself, trying to push her off.

"That's just what a straight person would say to defend themselves!" she cried.

"You’ve known me for five years! You know I’m gay!" you pointed out.

"We all know she’s a lesbian. I don’t think our sexualities have anything to do with this," Mikasa interjected while Armin nodded.

"That's just what a lesbian would say," Hange pointed out.  Uh, no, it’s not, you thought. "You can go. A lesbian would never draw dicks  ever."

"I'm ace and that conclusion makes no sense, but okay," Mikasa shrugged. "Bye guys."  _Are you kidding me?! Mikasa gets to leave but I can’t?! I’m a vet I shouldn’t even be here! Ugh, I hate this stupid favorites game,_ you grumbled, folding your arms in front of your chest and feeling a little jealous. 

"Uh, have Connie and I mentioned how furiously bisexual we are?" Sasha piped up, clearly hoping to get out of the interrogation. You couldn’t blame her. 

"Well, I didn't know you were angry about it," Hange shrugged. "But that still gives you both a fifty-fifty chance of drawing dicks."

"Where are you even coming up with statistics?" Marlo demanded, looking completely appalled at the events unfolding around him.

"Is that really important?" Hange asked back before continuing on. "Well, since none of you are stepping forward like decent people, I'm going to have to interrogate you all one by one."

"Squad Leader, don't you think you've done enough?" Moblit asked tentatively from his spot by a corner. He looked even more nervous than usual.  _Poor guy. He’s probably so embarrassed right now,_ you thought sympathetically.  _I’ll have to give him a hug after this._

"I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE DONE ENOUGH!" Hange yelled melodramatically and he backed down with an irritated and sad sign. "YOU! MY INTERROGATION ROOM! NOW!" She motioned for you to come forward. Throwing open a door, she revealed a small closet, a single stool inside.

"Uh, is that a closet?" Armin asked.

"I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR OPINION, ARLERT!" She entered the closet and gave you an expectant look.  _Damn it, I'm gonna have to go in there._ Trudging forward, you slumped into the chair, bracing for the worst.  Why can’t she do this at another time when I'm not doing work?

"Look, I didn't draw in Moblit's sketchbook," you said as soon as she shut the door. "I wasn't in the dining hall when Moblit left it there. I was cleaning the stables. Just ask Mikasa! We were there together. I was supervising her since Captain Levi's off with Queen Historia today."

"Oh, I already know those two newbies Alex and Steven did it," she said nonchalantly, dropping her angry facade in a snap.

"Wait, what? Then why did you bring me in here?!" you demanded.

"Lots of reasons," Hange shrugged. "For starters I really am mad about them drawing in Moblit’s sketchbook. That’s incredibly rude and disrespectful. And secondly I'm not intimidating like Erwin, so when I take over the Corps after him I have to make the newbies scared of me somehow so they stay in line."

"That's silly, you can be really intimidating.”

"You are  so sweet. Thank you," she smiled. "I'm sorry for being so scary."

“Hey, you have to do what you have to do, I guess,” you replied. “But I want to know why you brought me in here too. I’ve seen you angry before, so what gives?”

“I wanted to get you alone and this seemed the most efficient way. I think you're cute and I'd like to take you on a date," Hange said. 

“Wait, what,” you asked. “Hold up. You’re asking me out?”

“I figured since I was calling people in that I’d bring you in too and kill a few birds with one stone,” she shrugged.

“Oh.”  _Wow, I really didn’t see this coming,_ you thought.  _Not to mention this is kind of weird. Sort of sweet, though. Hange’s nice and smart. I mean, I like her but talk about unexpected and sidelined. But she probably doesn’t mean it as a side thing. Hange multitasks. That’s her thing. And she wouldn’t have asked me out if she didn’t like me._

"I . . . I'd really like to have dinner with you some time," you smiled.


End file.
